The Swingers Next Door

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Ask a Swinger: Convincing My Wife to Swing

Anonymous asked you:

I would like to be a swinger but my wife don’t can i still try to be a swinger and do u guys kik?

~Vanilla Hubby

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Vanilla, 

The easy question first: No, we don’t Kik.  Sorry.

The other part of your question is more complicated.  First and foremost, no.  It takes two to tango and it takes even more to swing.  But you absolutely, positively, certainly must have both partners on board and on the same page.  Swinging when one member of the team is hesitant, unsure, or downright opposed is a recipe for quick disaster.  You won’t have fun and your relationship won’t last.  Don’t try to sneak around in the lifestyle.  Most sane couples want absolutely nothing to do with a man cheating on his wife.

Along that line, don’t ever expect one partner to “take one for the team”.  There are varying degrees of how far members of couples are willing to go to make the other happy.  There are times when Maria or I will lower our standards slightly in order to play with someone from another couple when it makes the other happy.  However, we NEVER do anything we aren’t comfortable with.

The long answer is more complicated (isn’t it always?).  We find that relationships change wildly over time.  What you find abhorrent tonight might be a huge turn-on tomorrow.  We recently met a couple married over 20 years, but only started swinging in the past 18 months.

Keep open and honest communication.  Share your fantasies, hopes, and fears with each other.  Find out why she is opposed.  Assuming your intentions are pure, tell your wife honestly why you want to try swinging.  Be prepared to answer those questions for her.  Let her do research on her own and come to her own conclusions.

Examine your own motives.  Are just hoping to fuck other women with your wife’s permission?  If so, swinging isn’t for you.  In fact, your marriage might not be long for you.  We have met far too many couples who jump into swinging because they are sick of each other, don’t get along, and hope that sex with other people will rekindle their romance.  Um… wrong.  Trust us, that just doesn’t happen.  We have seen many-a-marriage laid to waste under that pretense.  

If she does hint at interest, don’t jump the gun.  Ease your way into the lifestyle.  Check out a meet-and-greet or swingers club in your area.  Don’t be over eager.  Remember that everyone has their own speed.

Finally, be prepared for your wife to LOVE fucking other men and/or women.  It’s bound to happen.  Does she like sex?  Yes?  Then she’s going to like sex with other people too.  Early in our relationship, Maria and I hooked up with a newbie couple (swinger dictionary: newbie).  We didn’t realize it at the time, but the woman had been dragged into the situation (though not entirely kicking and screaming).  We kicked off in a hot tub before moving into a hotel room.  Things were hot-and-heavy quickly and we ended up in a delightful tangle.  He was fucking maria and I was returning the favor with her.  But she was screaming her head off with mind-blowing, peel-the-wallpaper, tear-the-roof-off orgasms and he couldn’t handle it.  Long story short, the night ended with him sobbing in the other room and confessing that he never considered the consequences of watching his woman with another man.

Bottom line:  If your partner’s not ready to swing, you aren’t ready to swing… And just because she expresses curiosity, doesn’t mean it’s a green light to hop into bed with other people (especially not the hot girl at the office who thinks your marriage is on the rocks).

Be safe, be honest, be prepared.

Happy Swinging!

~Tony 

Swingers
Swingers: www.SwingLifeStyle.com